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by David Hayman (8th)

New law requires all advertisements to be a 5,000 word MLA format essay

This past Tuesday, congress passed a law that will require all advertisements to be in the form of 5,000 word essays. This includes sponsorships, billboards even ads on tik tok.

Each essay will be carefully written by expert unpaid interns majoring in some sort of writing related major, and can only be seen once. (The interns are required to sleep at least one hour for every 36 they work, so you receive the finest of Essays.) Once you see an advertisement, its gone. You and the people around you will be the only ones to have seen it. To make sure people actually read the advertisements, the law requires people to slowly scroll.

If it takes too fast, they must restart. People seing advertisements in the physical world will need to write brief summaries of the advertisement. Once they submit this to a government site, they will wait for approval to continue which may take 3-4 hours. Many tik tok users have complained about the new law. One said on twitter (Sorry, we are not calling it X) “I just want to mindlessly scroll, I dont want to read a long essay about this light up bounceball which would be a PERFECT gift for the kids I DONT HAVE #HATETHENEWBILL #essayssuck”

The bill, which received bipartisan support and was presented by both republican and democratic congresspeople, aims to fully inform citizens on the products and ideas they see in everyday life. A representative from Vermont said, “The bill must be really helpful. It won't affect me as my private jet takes off directly from the capitol building and flys me home, so I will not ever understand the pain of having to stop every 50-100 yards when there is a billboard for the 83-FOR-TRUTH citing every reason religious leaders can help solve my anxiety.

This has been the daily Rubbish, and now for a word from our sponser, american airlines.

American airlines is the best way to travel around the nation and world today. Firstly, it has not yet been rated the worst airline in the nation and PLEASE HELP. THEY DONT PAY ME AND KEEP ME HERE TO MAKE UNIQUE ESSAYS FOR WEEKS ON END. I WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY. CALL THE POLICE.

This section of the daily rubbish has been cut for time.

IMAGE CITATION:
MLA FORMAT. Bibliography.com Accessesd 5.20.2024 https://cms.bibliography.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/MLA_First_Pg_Diagram.png