The crowd was thrilled, last tuesday, as the first of boeings next generation of planes rolled off the production lines during a ceremony at Everett, Washington.

In his speech, CEO Dave Calhoun said that boeing “Strives to proritize quantity over quality and money over safey.”

Though nicknamed “Nightmareliner” by all 3 of the engineers who designed it, Boeing claims there are no safety issues, as the first problem arised 15 minutes into the flight instead of the usual 6. They also state that the engineers who buil the plane are qualified, all with a high school diploma, and one of them even attended a online class last week.

The 797 also boasts a 247,749,993 mile range thanks to a gas tank which dangles from a rope at all times. This will not be a problem while on the tarmac as the engineers made the tank spark proof, or maybe not, they can’t remember.

The FAA even waved inspections, because the plane “totally looks ok, nothing wrong at all. Nope.”

Within minutes, the aircraft thousands of received orders from airlines known for their safety such as Ryanair, Alaskan Airlines, and american airlines.

Among all of its parts, its 400 person capacity, which boeing managed to have despite having two whole bathrooms.

In unrelated news, the weather for next week is projected to be a 40% chance of rain, and a 100% chance of falling airplane parts and passenger belongins.

Image Citation:

"Boeing 737." Boeing Company. CNN News Media. 25 December 2020 https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/boeing-737-story-behind-the-troubled-aircraft/index.html