by Jackson Carvalho (7th)

Satirius-A

Welcome back to the Daily Rubbish, where in today’s episode, a solar system is falling apart! Let’s get started. I’m Jax Carvalho, and this is the Daily Rubbish.

So, we’ve all heard about twin universes, right? Well, in case you haven’t, they are sets of two universes that have a lot in common. Scientists have just discovered that there is a twin universe of the Milky Way, and they decided to name it the Milk Dud. Ever since, everyone has been hating on it, and the people over there have gone depressed. They just realized they had a black hole at the center of the universe, but we named it for them. Not only did we name it for them, but we named it Satirius-A. That’s just depressing, right? Well, they thought so.

Now we find ourselves in the middle of a celestial war with the “lazies” (what we’ve started to call them). It turns out that we only met the above-ground people and overlooked the real population of scientists below. It seems like they were building the inside of their planet into a battle machine, as well as a safe place for a population of people and animals. Because their planet came flying at us this morning, we have no choice but to try to compromise.

13 sad years later . . .

It’s been a while, but I’ll record what happened before I die (hopefully you’re seeing this). The major world leaders held a meeting in Baltimore, where they decided to set up a main military base. They then came back from a search of the enemy ship and announced that everyone would need to remain indoors due to a potential poison release planned by the enemies. I remember being really scared when that happened.

Mom dropped dead on the floor about three months into hiding. Dad got really sick and was unable to walk ever again. The dog survived when they couldn’t. If Freddy died, I would have given up. Two months after Mom died, the officials deemed it safe to go outside. During the hiding, they had a broadcast where the lazies were deemed dead. Little did we know, they were just getting started.

They just ordered all of the planet’s population to move to Baltimore and ordered the collection of all titanium, vibranium, and even adamantium. They have formed the Earth’s land into a circle and are building a forcefield out of our strongest resources. They have half of the able-bodied citizens digging cities and places underground for Baltimore to expand, as well as missile-launching areas for a top-tier secret mission.

Now I sit here watching as President Gump announces the order to release a nuclear airstrike, even though that won’t even help because the aliens are already creating a world domination machine to turn us all into ship fuel. And now, even when we sigh with relief, I have a feeling something bad will happen, and I will be in the middle of it all.

It came on the 4th of July (talk about being ironic). This is when we were taken. They kidnapped us all and forced us to give up our planet. The president put tariffs on the lazies, thinking that would solve it, but we ended up on a one-way trip to the black hole itself.

To finish this in my last moments (yes, I know this is depressing), I want to say that they have a flaw. This flaw is that they don’t know they can die. They believe they are some sort of immortal population of masterminds, but in reality, they are easily killed with water. If you see them, they will look normal but be avoidant of drinks. Heed this cautionary tale wisely.