by Liam Otero (8th)

 

Episode 7

Welcome back to the Daily Rubbish, where we are currently celebrating a huge milestone. Not only have we produced 7 articles in the span of 3 months, we also have just been given the award for Best Satire in Scoop! And I know what you're thinking, why us? Let's go over it in today's episode of the Daily Rubbish!

Most Frequent Posting

As I said in the introduction paragraph, the Rubbish has hit a huge milestone, producing 7 articles in 3 months. That's ¼ of the time it took for the Rubbish last year to produce 7 articles. That's huge, and the Rubbish will continue to post at this rate. And, I know what you're thinking, “Liam, most of the episodes are from you,” And to that I say, yeah that's kinda true. But, if you think about it, that's actually even more impressive. Our main goal is to post 20 episodes this year, and we are well on our way to that goal. And that is the first reason why we won the award.

Most Creative Content

The second reason Rubbish was given this award was because of our many creative ideas. Other than the repeating setting of most of our episodes, there is not one Rubbish episode that is very similar to the other, except for Episodes 1 and 2. That's because we have writers who never run out of ideas, and we never stop producing entertaining, satire, content

Most Rubbish Content

Now, for those who say that we lack good content and that we’re more of a quantity over quality column, that is a load of rubbish! Literally. Also, that's kind of the point. We’re a rubbish, satire column, but I certainly wouldn’t say our content is bad. We have fun writing our articles and I know you rubbish readers have fun reading them. But, whether or not it's a lack of quality content, at least the said content is indeed rubbish. 

Most Competitors Award

The Daily Rubbish has had at least 4 competitors in the last few years. The Wacky Weekly, The Artichoke, The Swish, and The Trashy Garlic. That's an overwhelming number of columns that have tried to take over the number 1 spot in the satirical column war. And yet, Rubbish pushes through, still managing to keep a good pace of almost one to two articles a week.

Longest Running Satirical Column

The Rubbish has now entered year 8, making it, if I’m correct, the longest running satirical column in CMS Scoop history. And now, as the leadership has been passed down to me, I have carried my leadership skills to prove those looking down on us wrong. Timothy Jung once questioned where we were, and to that I answer here we are! We are alive and up and hitting the ground sprinting for we are Rubbish and all shall know our great satire! So long as I carry my last 8 months as an eighth grader in The Daily Rubbish, I solemnly swear I will not let Rubbish die. And that's the truth. I joined this column in 7th grade, and have stayed consistent to it. And sure, while 2025 may not have been the greatest year for us, rest assured, we are indeed making a long awaited comeback! And in what a time. 

Why YOU should be part of the Daily Rubbish

Personally, if you are asking me, don’t listen to anyone contradicting you, the Rubbish is a fun group where you can write about anything funny and ridiculous that happens to come on your mind. You could write about lab rats taking over a lab, a cursed middle school, a silly disease, anything really? And the best part, you can write as long as you want. We minimize at two paragraphs but other than that, the limits are endless. The Rubbish also is filled with kind people in real life, and we would love it if you joined. Who knows, maybe you can win your own satire award. Plus, we will 100% credit you when you write an article. 

Conclusion

These following reasons are why Daily Rubbish won the award for Best Satire In Scoop. And to those saying it's rigged, I say you are wrong. I have used accurate and plausible reasons to why it won, and you must admit it too.

If you want to be part of what a great, cool, funny group the Rubbish is, don’t let anyone change your mind on it. We are always on the lookout for more writers. And to join, all you have to be is these following things;

• Ridiculous
• NOT a Trashy Garlic, Artichoke, Swish, Wacky Weekly, or any other rival satirical column member
• Part time or full time member
• Be able to write ridiculous stuff, but be grammatically correct and have good punctuation
• And finally, you have to be witty and kind. Sorry, I meant kind of witty. Same thing, right?

And that concludes this list looking episode of the Daily Rubbish! Speaking of list, you best believe a VERY special article will be coming soon, so stay tuned! (Hey that rhymed.) Well, once again, as I say my goodbye for now, don’t forget to be kind to someone today -- bless ya’ll, Adios!