by Liam Otero (8th)

 

Welcome back to yet another episode of the Daily Rubbish, live from Baltimore, where the streets are filled with doctors, masks, and, most importantly, Christmas spirit! That's right, Rubbish Readers, it's time for a very special episode in Season 8. So grab your coat, snatch some cocoa, and decorate your phone because it's time for…

 

THE HOLIDAY SPECIAL!!!

For starters, Christmas sales are going through the ground right now. Turns out, no one wants to open presents anymore, and due to the fact that most kids don’t believe in Santa anymore, most kids no longer want to open stuff on Christmas. And because of this, sales for product companies are going down on Christmas because of children. Because of course children ruined it. The IP Plague is still wandering through the streets, so most shopping is done online now, and we all know that online shopping is a lot more limited than in person shopping(Well, except for Amazon). 

In addition to that, due to the, as the weather app said, wintry mix that polluted our streets on Sunday, the streets are filled with ice. Yeah turns out, Baltimore used so much salt trying to find a vaccine for the IP Plague, that we’ve run out and we won’t get more for another month. So, you know what that means! The roads are covered in ice. As a matter of fact, the roads are covered in snow as well because the bulldozers can’t clear the roads because of the ice hazard. And so, of course, everyone’s presents are in delay. Not good, because Christmas is only about presents- I mean, it's just hard because kids want presents and their presents are late. So, because the roads are covered in ice, everyone has to walk on the sidewalks. And imagine what it must be like to have streets that are crowded like that. Surely not enough for ol’ Jolly King Of Obesity, Nicholas. 

As well as that, A mall santa was caught in a scandal involving the smuggling of Christmas cookies. That's right, if there's one thing Santa loves, it's his diabetic inducing cookies. That's why he needs them every Christmas! And that's also why Santa got injured last year. He was so heavy that his sled crashed in a test ride; broke his leg. And now, this mall santa, known for taking pictures with kids and asking them, “What do you want for Christmas?” (I want a puppy:). “I can’t do that.” (WAAAAAAAA:’( ), has been arrested and taken to an unoccupied hotel room for questioning. The reason it's a hotel room is because the roads are so slippery, the police can’t reach the station. It was revealed these Christmas Cookies were made of an illegal substance called diabetic tobacco. It's like chewing tobacco, but made of illegal sugar.

Third, Mariah Carey’s popular Christmas song, “All I Want For Christmas Is You,” which lets her bank account skyrocket every time it's December, because everyone loves that song during Christmas, is now playing. However, its not very good for Mariah. See, her bank account got a severe glitch, and now, every time that song plays, her money goes down by millions. She is terrified and was seen breaking down in her resort in Italy when she heard the news. Stories are saying her bank is trying to fix it. How ironic am I right? Not to mention, she had to shut down her winter tour because of the IP Plague, which was a huge downgrade for her money earning. She had to move all of her tours to other countries because of the plague. 

But, despite all of this, Baltimore is still jolly as Santa Claus, and its hard to believe. People still are decorating their houses, running Secret Santa’s, and even placing an enormous tree in the center of Baltimore. By still remaining unfazed in their Christmas cheer, Baltimore has earned the hearts and commandments of many states and countries, inspired by their optimism in spite of all the chaos. Even families with suspected people infected by the plague, have still spent time with each other on Christmas Eve. Because they know that even if there may be no Santa this year, and no presents, Baltimore’s true presents are the time spent with family and friends.

In a way, to the Rubbish Readers reading this, you too can learn a lesson from Baltimore. Just like the country did. Many states tried to donate to Baltimore many gifts from all around the world, however Baltimore denied them. When the mayor of Baltimore was asked for the reason of denial, he said these following words:

“Why should we bother to accept gifts to make us happy? We couldn’t be happier with our friends.”

Taking a lesson away from this article, and yes I know, a lesson, booooriiing!  But hear me out today:

 

Because as you make your way to Christmas;

Think of it this way. 

Christmas can have presents, cookies, or none,

But what’s important is the time for family and fun

Because if you remember, what Christmas is about,

It's about people's love and joy, both in and out.

So before you click off, just sit and wait,

As you head off into winter break

Have true fun, and be full of cheer,

So, have a Merry Christmas, we’ll see you next year…