Episode 9
WELCOME ONE, WELCOME ALL, TO THE WELCOMING OF…
DAILY RUBBISH
🥳🎊2026🎊🥳
In today's episode, we cover all the crazy events that happened during your very long winter break(In Baltimore, of course) in the special celebration of the first Rubbish Episode since THE BIG 2025!!! Hosted of course, by your one and only awesome hair, handsome, funny, intelligent, kind, and brave Rubbish Leader, Liam Otero!
Let's get started!
We have had a long time since December 23rd of 2025, and I am so happy to be back on schedule with my frequent posting! So let's get into it. I invite you to sit back and enjoy this recap style article welcoming you back to the world. Satirically, of course.
For starters, the New Years Ball Drop almost caused a natural disaster and hazard. For those who don’t know, every New Years Eve, Times Square New York is overrun and trampled by Disney Characters in inflatable costumes, random Tiktokers dancing, and of course, the many, many, tourists looking to see Broadway shows, movies, and eat M&Ms(AKA bad financial decisions). Well, as well as that, everyone piles at the Times Square Jumbotron, where a supposedly enormous ball of confetti and glitter is dropped at the countdown of Happy New Year. Well, if you decide to see it for yourself and go to Times Square(Assuming you can get past the enormous crowd), you may unfortunately find out that the ball is actually not so big. The ball is actually about the size of a human. However, due to complicated camera angles, the ball looks huge. Well recently, New York decided that in order to celebrate 250 years of America, not only will they release the Hunger Games in real life(Start running, bud), They have also decided to make the drop the ball huge, about the size of the Rogers Theatre. I know, how did they get it to the top? I have no idea, but I’m sure it will go perfectly fine!
… It didn’t go well.
See, turns out dropping a 75+ foot off a 395 foot tall tower was actually not a good idea(Who could’ve expected that?) As soon as the ball dropped, Times Square exploded in confetti. 5+ feet of confetti blasted and flooded New York with a 60 foot wave of plastic faster and more deadly than the Sri Lanka tsunami. 3 hours later, snow vehicles were going through the 5+ feet tall shower of confetti that polluted the streets of New York. 50 people ended up getting injured, and 5 people died. That is tragic considering they were killed by confetti. Not to mention, some of the confetti was riddled with all sorts of liquid stuff, and it froze immediately, making the streets covered in an ice like confetti. You could say it wasn’t very, ice!(Heh, Heh, LAUGH RIGHT NOW-) Well, needless to say, a big fat wonderful lawsuit smacked New York in the face, and they couldn’t do anything about it. And so,the 250 year anniversary of America was officially ruined. Well, except for the real Hunger Games, to which President Gump created and posted on Tiktok. What a year.
Next, the recent alien base discovery in Baltimore has recently reached out to communicate with us. The base was discovered underneath the Baltimore City Hall, and was seen sucking energy from the earth's mantle. I still have no idea how they dug all the way down to the mantle. However, they have recently shown themselves to broadcast a message. What was the message? That is a VERY good question. To summarize the message, the aliens politely told us to prepare for enslavement. But of course, President Gump does not want to be enslaved, so he ordered the City hall be struck by a meteor in order to destroy it and the base underneath it. Like that would do anything, given the aliens have proven to be much smarter than us(They don’t use AI).
Finally, for this article's last event, we are going all the way to Italy to cover a recent surprise for the 2026 Winter Olympics. Italy is hosting the Winter Olympics this year, and dare I say that the Winter Olympics are probably some of the most dangerous looking sports I have ever seen. Plus, since they are holding it in Italy, chances are that most of the ice will be melting. And to those who say I am overexaggerating, you can go cry with our rival companies who will never be as good as us. But, recently, a surprise hit Italy on this cold day of 2026. You see, an enormous snowstorm loomed over the pacific and threatened to bury Italy in tiny, white snowflakes. Except, when the snowstorm came, snow was not falling. What was falling was hail.
Millions of ice spheres and other 3D shapes surrounded Italy and broke their cars, telephone poles, buildings and various other stuff. In an instant, the Olympic Stadium was ruined and torn apart. You would almost feel bad, but it's Italy, so all they need is some pizza and they’ll be fine.Except for the fact that the pizza restaurants were also destroyed. Italy was in despair. Thankfully, their pasta survived, so now Italians and citizens can live happily.
And that concludes the 9th installment of the Daily Rubbish. Don’t forget to be kind to someone today, Bless Ya’ll, and welcome to 2026!