by Liam Otero (7th)
Daily Rubbish: Thanksgiving Special:
Government struggles to reinforce events when a turkey takes its kind off of the Thanksgiving menu.
Hello, everyone! Welcome back to the Daily Rubbish: Holiday Specials, where we discuss unnatural events regarding infamous holidays, and as Thanksgiving approaches, boy, we cannot wait for those nice, delicious, turkeys-(Wait, what the- Oh no. OH NO! TOM THE TERRIBLE TURKEY!? He's back!) This just in! We’re back and unfortunately, bear bad news. It appears that this year, we will be forced to eat just pumpkin pie and mashed potatoes and stuffing, cranberries and gravy, and carrot sauce, as it appears that turkeys are now off the menu (Insert panic mode). A very infamous 100 year old turkey named Tom has now escaped custody and is wreaking havoc. He is the smartest turkey in history, and he's back to take turkeys off the Thanksgiving Menu. Let's discuss his past.
Tom hatched in a laboratory in 1924, when scientists had been experimenting on making animals larger, and chose the turkey they were raising. They placed Baby Tom inside a tube of various chemicals, and cranked electricity. Baby Tom was supposed to grow 100x larger, but, instead, the electricity focused on his brain, meaning he was 100x smarter than an average turkey. Tom immediately escaped, and found himself on a large farm. He made friends with a turkey named Tara, and the two grew up as friends. But then, on November 26th, 1924, Tara was taken away. Tom never saw her again. Tom soon realized that every year, about 46 million turkeys were killed in the US alone for Thanksgiving. He knew eventually, he would be next. And so, he escaped the farm, and the next few years, attacked farmers, ran court cases to change the menu, and eventually, for 4 years straight, turkeys were taken off the menu. Eventually, Tom caused so much disturbance in the peace, that he was taken into custody. He then attempted to escape 10 times, but was caught by security. After his 11th attempt, Tom had to be guarded by 3 highly trained officers. Finally, Tom had stopped trying to escape. He was fed through a slot door, all of his guards had their keys taken away, and his cell was firmly locked with chains, bars, and all vents were sealed shut. With Tom in custody, it was back to turkeys being killed.
Now that we’re back in the present, it appears that Tom has escaped his highly guarded cell and is now running even more cases, trying to take it out of the menu for good, and now, he has partly succeeded. The problem is that now, turkeys are now multiplying too quickly. You would think that Tom was done, but he wanted more. He wanted revenge, revenge on farmers, revenge on the pilgrims, and most of all, he wanted to revenge Tara. Now, Tom has gone wild, and is now attacking farmers. Tom has become a menace to society and is now a wanted criminal, making himself the first bird charged with crimes. So much for a gratitude holiday. Looks like that's all I got for today. Be grateful people, enjoy your holidays, and adios!