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by David Hayman (7th)

 

Flag of Turkey© not to be reproduced in any form without permission from the country.

In attempt to become popular with the west, Turkey rebranded itself for the second time so far this decade, from the republic of Türkiye Cumhuriyeti, (which no one liked anyway) toTurkey™ . 

The republic of Turkey also announced a new flag, (pictured above) be used instead. “If Nepal can have weird shaped flags, then we can have a sort of cut off circle!” Said the Government's website.

President Erdogan also said that plans to liscence the flag, as well as the cool new national anthem “In love with Turkey”  by Sezen Atsu, are in the works.

These policy changes come after international pressure following NATO relizing that Turkey isnt that cool, because it hangs out with Russia. 

The Daily Rubbish also attempted to schedule  an interview,  with the ambassador of Turkey™ in DC, but is unable to due to renovations, which include building

●      The world's largest shopping mall inside a Embassy

●      A Theme park

●      A Rainforest Cafe franchise

●      One large department store

●      A bowling alley

●      Turkish history museum

●      Expo center (for displaying the awesomeness of the country)

An Airplane hanger is rumored to be added, but The Daily Rubbish could not confirm this report.

And President Erdogan also announced that he is becoming a rapper, Changing his official name to “ lil’ Erdie”

NATO secretary general Jens Stolenberg said about the rebranding, “No matter how hard they try to be cool, Turkey just has to give up this friendship with Russia. Like, oh my gosh, I am SOOO sick of the stupid little relationship of theirs. Like we only let Turkey stay in NATO because we feel bad. Also Istanbul is an important location.”

Daily Rubbish bonus article

 

The Artichoke (the inferior satire collum) released a article, which had many incorrect statements. Here is The Daily Rubbish Fact Check

 

“The Daily Rubbish was sold for 2 to six dollars.”

This is incorrect. We sold it for seven dollars to buzzfeed. But didnt give them it.

“The Daily Rubbish has only one person working for it”

The Daily Rubbish actually employs approximately eight billion people, they just do not do any work, and dont know they work for us.

“The spokesperson for The Daily Rubbish is Chat-GPT 4”

I’m not paying for that. We had to use Chat GPT 2 instead.

The Artichoke is an error filled, misinformation group, dedicated to telling you terrible lies. Read the daily rubbish instead. We tell you really good lies.