by David Hayman (8th)
Recent events such as the Israeli-Hamas war, the ongoing civil war in Syria and the war in
Ukraine have divided the world, causing absolutely nothing to get done in the united nations.
To stop this, The UN is searching for things that everyone can rally around hating. Not only
countries will get to vote on this either, random citizens, companies, and organizations will be
required to decide on what they hate most. This program is called UNite the world.
After searching hard, They found something to hate on: Spaghetti O’s.
The UN believes the hatred of spaghetti o’s will win. As secretary general of the United
Nations António Guterres says, “That GROSS mix of circle shaped pasta with tomato soup and cheese is a disgusting disgrace to society. Even the company who owns the chef boyardee label, congra brands, is unsure why they still make it. In a statement to the daily rubbish sent via email “We were planning to finally remove that filth from the shelves once and for all, but if keeping the product means uniting the world, we will still sell it.” Congra brands plans to use the UNite program for the means of advertising.
Some slogans include, “solving the world's problems” and “We sell it so you hate it”, and “Why do you enjoy spaghetti o’s you monster?”
People hate them for many reasons. We have compiled a list of statements from world leaders and companies on their hatred of the tomato soup concoction. Ebrahim Raisi (president of Iran): The label is a western product used to spy on our people, and brainwash them to the west. Naturally, we are against anything western, including spaghetti o’s”
Prime minister Rishi Sunak of the UK: The British government unequivocally condemns the
sinful can of sludge, and will make sure everyone avoids this terrible product”
Walmart: “we are ashamed to have this product on our shelves. We will be keeping it just for
you to hate on it.”
Chat GPT 3 of the daily rubbish: “As an AI language model, I am not able to taste food and thus am unable to tell you why I do not like spaghetti o’s”
The only country not condemning spaghetti is North korea. Kim Jung un is a fan of the food, and the rest of the country doesn't know the taste of food, let alone spaghetti o’s.