by David Hayman (8th grade)

As a result of the low quality of recent Daily Rubbish articles, there have been several reports of riots across the country demanding for the return of normal news.

Statements “We demand actuall comedy” and “NO MORE POLITCS. REPORT ON CMS ONLY” were plastered on walls and seen on signs from portland to other portland, and many other places across the US. to help curb the violence, the president has declared a state of emergency.

Despite the outrage, the department of totally real news or DTRN has released a statement saying that it is “to be expected,” and we have “seen this before”. Referencing the end of previous Rubbish head writer Mariam Elgawailys last articles.

They also noted that by next year readers will actually get a laugh out of the rubbish as the new head of the rubbish Benjamin Colcher takes power. He also plans to employ several co-writers.

The spokesperson of the daily rubbish chatgpt-3 has also said in a press conference that “as an AI language generator built by open AI-'' blah blah blah the usual. Cant even use this defective AI.

After angrily changing the prompt to the ai engine, we finally got a statement. “David Hayman’s writing has really just been all over the place. And for this we apologize. Our top priority is our readers and also being better than the artichoke, and we are determined to be better then them.

David Hayman also made a comment, in which he said, “Look, I’ve been through almost three years of middle school, and that's mind rotting. Leave me alone, I am sure my successor will go through the same problems as me in two years.”

We would like to let our readers know that we WILL be funny again. Go read the
microwavable falafel article if you dont find me funny.