Drew’s Sign-Off (and Official Apology to Mr. Clark for the William Penn Article)

by Drew Katronick (8th)

The school year is winding down—very slowly. It certainly feels like it's been going on forever. This may sound surprising, but I know someone who's even more excited for the year to end than I am: Mr. Clark, the notorious, loud, and stubborn history teacher known for his... creative ideas.

Most notably, he once claimed—quite confidently, in fact—that William Penn attended CMS. Yes, that William Penn. This bold statement was made in an exclusive interview with The Scoop, and to this day, no one knows where he got such a wild idea. Personally, I’d recommend a doctor’s visit.

Anyway, Mr. Clark is probably thrilled to put this year (and this article) behind him. After all, students and teachers now avoid him in the halls, afraid his historical inaccuracy might be contagious. Hopefully, he can return to his usual tough-guy persona. Though he may appear soft as a bunny on the outside, credible rumors suggest he has quite the temper.

Luckily, I have never—ever—done anything to annoy him in any way. I’ve never been late to his class, and I always defend him passionately against the occasional student criticisms. I definitely don’t laugh along with the rest of the class. Definitely not.

On a completely unrelated note, The Scoop would like to officially apologize for the William Penn article and acknowledge that it included several factual inaccuracies about Mr. Clark. In fact, some of the claims were understatements.

Also, I, Drew, would like to clearly state that any rumors suggesting I wrote the article or conducted the so-called "study" mentioned in it are completely and utterly false. I was in no way, shape, or form involved. Seriously.

It’s been a great two years writing for The Scoop, and now it’s time for me to “sign off.”

Goodbye, everyone! Enjoy your middle school years!