by Thea Kupersmith (8th grade)

In our recent article, we discussed the groundbreaking new electives occurring in Colonial Middle School. Due to recent pressure, the school has recently announced a respective class for teachers, one that will take place after school and provide an opportunity for teachers to fully understand their young whippersnapper students.

The school board highly recommends this class. Meant to educate teachers about the finer points of student slang, it will allow teachers to bridge the ever-widening gap between the generations and cultivate a hip learning environment. The main objective of the class is to entirely distance adults from academic expressions and instead communicate with shallow slang and terms.

Instead of using words like “Cool,” and “Awesome,” teachers have now widened their vocabulary and moved on to complicated words such as “Bussin,” “Rizz,” and “Slay.” If a teacher does exceptionally well, they may move onto the slang honor roll and work on incorporating slang into their daily lessons. Recent graduates of this class have been reported to be more confident in their daily slang usage, teaching lessons such as “The colonists were getting taxed, no cap, so they were literally like, ‘it’s giving... revolution.’” and even managing to slip in “That equation game is on point, for real for real.”

The teachers will also get an extensive list of off-limits words that are not considered popular with the youth. Phrases such as “groovy,” “far out,” and the ever-popular “don’t get your knickers in a twist” are now understood to be unsophisticated and to the teachers detriment. The school is hopeful that this program will not only expand a teacher’s vocabulary, but also educate them on the finer points of modern society. Educators have reported great success in this area, as they no longer include confusing memes on their google slides and they understand that sitting backwards in a chair does not make you cool. The program aims to enhance a teacher's understanding of social media, avocado toast, the barbie movie, and the subtle art of name-dropping celebrities. Furthermore, the course will cover items that may have escaped the adults in the past, such as climate change, cyberbullying, vaccination, and the fact that the earth is not, in fact, flat.

So gone are the days when educators will pull the fire alarm after being told their classroom is “low-key fire.” No longer will they include a grumpy cat meme in their presentation. Teachers are now able to have a cringy conversation with their students about pop culture, albeit while still using outdated references from their childhood. It may seem far-fetched, but administrators are hopeful that we may even be able to limit the number of people using LOL as “Lots of Love”

In unrelated news, test scores have drastically declined