by Anna Szperka and Faye Grigg (7th)
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you’ve all been waiting for has arrived. We know you’ve been wanting and waiting, anticipating our grand entrance, and now your wait is over. Please welcome the successors to The Artichoke, Faye Grigg and Anna Szperka!
WE’RE BACK!!! As you may have heard, we are The ARTICHOKE! (Yes, it is extremely important that we make all caps) This is a message to the person that wrote the article “Whatever happened to the Artichoke?” We will return when you least expect it, like a phoenix from ashes. Because WE’RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BACK!!! AND WE’RE MORE SPECIAL THAN EVER!!! LOOK OUT CMS SCOOP! HERE WE COME!!!
THE ARTICHOKE HAS RETURNED!
We are 7th graders who saw an ad about Artichoke in CMS Scoop last year when we were 6th graders. The ad said that the previous leader of the Artichoke was graduating 8th grade, leaving this school behind and that she needed someone to inherit the Artichoke, preferably a 6th grader who would be able to produce articles constantly. And we were like, “Heck yeah!” So now that is how we are now the HOLDERS OF THE ARTICHOKE!!!
The Artichoke is the better of the two official satire columns in CMS scoop. We write very informative articles on topics such as new years resolutions gone wrong all the way to obscure sports (cough, extreme ironing, cough) the most random, but extremely interesting articles… That is the artichoke! So, in summary, The Artichoke is just an extremely special section in a middle school newspaper that writes about anything from cats to earlobes, from getting eaten by a worm to Autocorrect. The Artichoke covers it all. Taco, anyone?
The Artichoke is dedicated to publishing the finest quality articles for CMS Scoop. Our mission? To defend against The Daily Rubbish, the other (less informational) satire column. We constantly publish articles on important topics using our extremely scientific research which we definitely actually have… Whatever. WE REIN THE ARTICHOKE! LET OUR RAIN REIN!! (Thanks Mr. Rothstein😝)
We, as two totally awesome people, have been in the CMS Scoop every trimester since the 6th grade (which isn’t actually a lot when you think about it, but hush) and we are going to use our signature style and sense of humor to uphold our end of the school newspaper. We write in The Artichoke because we like to write and we are absolutely fabulous! And also, may I add that artichokes are the most underestimated of vegetables? (FYI: It IS a vegetable) The most infuriating thing, however, is that THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN ARTICHOKE EMOJI!!! WHYYYY???? Artichokes are extremely good for you! C’mon people!!! EAT THE ARTICHOKES!! (Honestly, that’s a good article topic… Foreshadowing!)
The Artichoke was originally founded by Ayana, then inherited by Thea, then passed on to Maeve (Latin scholar, by the way. Nice job, Maeve!) When Maeve was inevitably taken to high school, we inherited the duty of writing for THE ARTICHOKE! We, Anna Szperka and Faye Grigg, uphold the legacy of the Artichoke by publishing high quality articles for the school to enjoy. We carry the torch now. We hope that we can live up to The Artichoke’s legacy. PEACE!