by Timothy Jung (6th)
Welcome, Scoopers! I know you want information on the war, so I’ll bring you information on the war.
So, the lock to the door of the pyramid of the guy who was called the Egyptian, who was sort of in a high rank, who was controlled by a microscopic alien that came from Amazon because your neighbor bought one for only $19.99, and it decided to also end the world because it was part of a group of planet-destroying aliens who were controlled by zombie-minded pigeons—and actually, after the Earth exploded, the aliens were higher than the zombie pigeons, and they made Hephaestus really mad and made him blow up volcanoes, which accidentally killed Bob and made his belly burst because of the jumbo-sized German butterflies that were the predators of balloon-headed horses who fought for Mount Olympus, and Meanie Bob came from Bob’s tomb, and yeah...
That lock.
And who did it?
None other than the new dynamic duo: Isaac Newtonsburger and Percy Jackman!
The alien-pigeon-butterflies were furious! Meanie Bob and Super-Ultra-Hyper-Lion-Gorilla-Monkey-Donkey-Boy decided to take a knock on Mount Olympus—and quite literally. The gate is now broken!
As a result, the score has been tied 1–1, with the Human-Olympus-Newton-Horses quickly making their way to the quantum-verse.
But what’s this? Your neighbor is still out here! Guess who this neighbor has been this whole time!
None other than Big Mac!
Using his trusty pet, the microscopic alien, he is out there, ready! But as he heads off to war, there is another Amazon package waiting for him!
What could it be this time?
It’s the all-new Dimensional 3000!
For only $699.99, you will get a full-sized flying car capable of traveling even to the quantum-verse! Order now while supplies last.
As the alien-pigeon-butterflies march their way to the quantum-verse, the two dynamic duos are about to face each other, while your neighbor, Big Mac, is trying to delay this as fast as possible!
What will happen next?
Well, that’s pretty much a wrap for today. If you want to send us fan mail or help with ideas, you can send us things you want included.
See you next time on Weird News!