by Ayana Willoughby (8th)
Published April 3, 2023 10:01pm EST
This article is dedicated to the toothbrush I had when I was six that played part of “We Will Rock You” to indicate how long I was supposed to brush my teeth for.
The existence of birds is worth questioning, according to a recent study done by the National Audubon Society.
As many as 78 percent of birds found in a typical suburban environment may have been artificially produced.
To conduct the study, a team of zoologists equipped with tranquilizers visited various locations where birds were settled, ranging from forests to densely populated cities.
From each site, they shot down sixty-five birds of a diverse range of species to analyze their body size, eyes, feet, and feathers to determine whether they had been synthetically made.
“The purpose of our primary observations was to spot signs of blinking lights in the pupils. My team has made valiant attempts to distinguish between real and replicated feathering, however, we’ve had difficulties since the technology used to manufacture the lookalikes has advanced significantly.” Ruth Patrick, the lead author of the study, commented on the matter.
Patrick says she found such complications “frustrating and disheartening”.
Another issue the researchers encountered came as the birds began to regain their consciousness while they were still in the process of being examined.
Several birds allegedly “went rogue” and escaped through windows or flew aimlessly around the laboratory.
Despite the predicaments created by the revolting animals, the study was completed successfully and brought about unexpected results.
The outcome of the extensive analysis revealed that every sample environment had a notable percentage of artificial birds.
Woodlands and rural areas had the lowest populations of artificial birds at 44 percent, while urban areas had the highest populations at upwards of 96 percent.
Scientists theorize that as urban development continues and animals lose their habitats, cities are seeking to appeal to millennial environmentalists by giving off the impression that they are sustainable.
The National Audubon Society has openly expressed its disappointment in the findings of the study, announcing in an official statement that “[they] are deeply saddened by the conclusion of the investigation, as [they] had wished to believe otherwise about [their] beloved feathered friends.”
***