by Maeve O'Connell (8th)

PSSA Season Strikes Again

PSSA season has struck CMS once again, and students are no longer worrying about what will happen if they have a Number 3 pencil, but rather what they will do with the online tests.

The Artichoke, being the superior satire column of The CMS Scoop, has comforted these distraught students.

“I just, like, don’t know what to do,” said Connie Fused. “There are so many, like, buttons to press,” she continued, near tears.

Being the successor of The Artichoke, it is my duty to honor Thea’s memory by referencing her past articles. But unfortunately—no matter how brilliant it was—whether a pencil was Number 2, 3, or 8 is no longer a top priority. We must focus on providing moral support for our fellow students in these trying times, even though it isn’t only the students who are breaking down.

Teachers have attempted to maintain a calm façade for their students, but they have already started forming after-school support groups for dealing with the online tests. DRC Insight just isn’t the same as those environmentally harmful packets and painful TDAs.

“It just isn’t the same anymore,” said a teacher who will remain unnamed. “If we have to stand around and do nothing for three hours, why shouldn’t they have to write TDAs?”

Whether it’s the constant battle between mankind and Wi-Fi, or “so many, like, buttons,” we must stay strong if we are to get through the PSSAs in 2025.