by Maeve O'Connell (8th)

We can all agree that the sports offered at our school are getting a little repetitive. It’s time to usher in a new era with some exciting options for students who don’t want to wear shoulder pads or who think soccer balls are overrated. After testing (and some careful consideration), I can confirm that these sports have produced the fewest concussions, broken bones, and dislocations. (I can’t legally say there were none, though.)

Here are my top picks:

• Extreme Ironing: You climb somewhere high, pull out your collapsible ironing board (yes, really), and iron something once you reach the top. Thrilling, right?

• Cheese Rolling: Competitors race down a hill after a wheel of cheese (I’m not joking—Google it!). The prize? The very same cheese that just rolled down the hill.

• Underwater Hockey: Skating on ice isn’t hard enough? Try playing hockey underwater, where you have to battle both the puck and the pressure of being submerged.

• Ear-Pull: Two competitors wind a string around their ears and step backward until one of them can’t take the pain. (Seriously, don’t try this one at home!)

I think we can all agree these sports would make an excellent addition to our athletic programs here at CMS—and in our district. Not that I’d personally join the team, though.