by Teddy Colcher (6th)
Government Cracks Down on Illegal Cooking-Making Scheme
In Baltimore, Maryland, a thirty year old man named David Cookie was arrested for illegally making cookies. He made cookies in his basement with his wife Maria Cookie and added many weird ingredients to the cookies, such as lemonade or sometimes even wine.
The couple opened a store called “Dave’s Cookies,” which quickly went viral over social media for their extravagant flavors.
The story took a turn when TikToker Lucy Louise tried a triple chocolate chip chunk cookie and had a heart attack on camera. Lucy managed to survive, but sued David for $1,000,000 dollars. David Cookie claimed that the cookies were meant to be taken in moderation. Overall, David had to pay $10,000 and remove the triple chocolate chip chunk cookie.
In July, Maria made a new cookie: the patriotic cookie. It was a cookie with red, white and blue stripes. People around the world bought the cookies for various 4th of July celebrations. However, one of these packs ended up having a giant manufacturing error, as the package had the address of the Cookies’ factory, which was famously private.
One specific person from that party decided to break into the factory, which ended up just being the Cookie residence. After looking in the basement he found that many employees were cramped into tiny corners making cookies. The person also noticed that many ingredients not on the packaging were being stuffed into the cookies. Those ingredients were not FDA approved, and got David and Maria in a lot of hot water.
“This is disgusting,” one user from X said. “I hope this gets shut down soon,” another user said. Many news reporters picked up the story and interviewed customers of Dave’s Cookies. “The red velvet cookie always tasted weird,” said an interviewed person. One news outlet even managed to have a talk with Lucy Louise. She said: “I can’t say I’m surprised.” When the police raided David’s home, he was nowhere to be found.
Recently the government decided to find David, and he was found living in Los Angeles under the name “Logan Brownie.” Maria also now went by “Rosie Brownie.” They were sent to trial for running from authorities and the illegal cookies. David is facing a lifetime of jail, and Maria is facing 35 years for being his accomplice.
More information is coming soon. The trial takes place next Saturday, and many people believe they are going to plead guilty. But what do you think?
Hey guys, this is Liam Otero, and this article is the official Daily Rubbish debut of our newest part time writer: Theodore Colcher, brother of past leader, Benjamin Colcher. Welcome Teddy! (He wrote this by the way, if you didn’t realise)
And that concludes episode 5 of Season 8. Don’t forget to be kind to someone today, god bless ya’ll, and ADIOS!!!