by Liam Otero (8th)
Welcome back to the Daily Rubbish, and we have made a skyrocket in productivity, and I must say, it isn’t all thanks to me. I have recruited writers to make this possible, and I must say: The Rubbish is finding more loads of rubbish. So, introducing our new writers: Jackson Carvalho, and Theodore Colcher. Enjoy!
Jackson Carvalho grew up in the badlands of South America. The land was tough, and he learned to survive using only his instincts. His mother was no ordinary creature—she was an adaptive dinosaur. From her, Jackson learned many things: how to walk properly, how to communicate with simple sounds, and even how to break out of electric fences. Some might say he was always good at breaking barriers, whether fences or limits.
His life in the wild was full of adventures. He moved gracefully through the dangerous terrain, always staying one step ahead. But no one outside knew about his real story. It was a secret he kept close, hidden from the world. Then, one day, something strange happened. Jackson ended up stranded in space, lost among the stars.
That’s when I appeared. Using my jetpack, I flew through the emptiness and grabbed him in mid-air. I had extra oxygen, so I gave him some to help him breathe. I knew he needed help to survive. I brought him back to Earth, where I worked hard to revive him. It was a tough job, but I managed to bring him back to life.
Now, Jackson works full-time at Daily Rubbish. He’s grateful, but his past is still strange. His mother being a dinosaur—is that true? People might think it’s rubbish, but Jackson’s story is anything but ordinary.
And that was my first writer, and I’m grateful to have him. After all, many of our rubbish writers have quit recently. And I don’t blame them. Nowadays, it's hard to make satirical comments on serious topics. But, rest assured! We will continue our reign. And onto our newest writer, who’s last name may sound… familiar.
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Theodorus Colcherius III was born in Ply Mouth, a land ruled with iron fists and harsh laws. As the prince of his kingdom, he had everything he could want—wealth, power, and privilege. But even with all that, he felt trapped. The life of a prince, with its strict rules and endless responsibilities, weighed heavily on him. Over time, he started to dislike his role, yearning for something more real, more genuine.
One day, he made a bold decision. Disguised and determined, Theodore left behind his royal titles and joined the common people. He traded his crown for a simple life among the townsfolk, and changed his royal name to Teddy Colcher. He learned to live like them—working hard, sharing meals, and experiencing the struggles they faced every day. It was a different world, one full of honest effort and raw emotion, and Theodore began to see life from a new perspective.
His journey into pheasant life was not easy. It challenged him, tested his resolve, and made him question everything he once believed. But in this simple, humble existence, he found something he had never truly known—freedom. No longer bound by royal expectations, Theodore embraced the rough, honest life of a commoner, discovering that sometimes, the greatest riches are found in the simplest things..
And yes, the lesson Theodore learned is one of great value! Those are my two rubbish writers, and I am deeply grateful to run this column with them. And yes, I admit, I will be sad about my leaving soon (Probably not Mr.Rothstein, WHAAAAAAT, Who said that?), but no, for real, thank you for sticking with this load of rubbish.
And that concludes the sixth episode of the Daily Rubbish, we’ll have more coming soon, do not forget to be kind to someone today, God bless yall, Adios!
PS. These backstories are very real.