by Andrew Zhong (7th)
It is strange to yap about yapping because yappers about yapping are often complaining about yapping when they themselves are yapping. It doesn’t make sense to yap about yapping yappers yapping about yappers who yap excessively because the yapping yappers yapping about yapping will yap much harder than you will ever yap so as to make your yapping appear insignificant due to its relative lack of yapping skill and more importantly, spamminess, so yap as hard as you might, you will never out yap those who enjoy yapping about yappers yapping when they themselves are yapping yappers yapping even harder than the yappers yapping indefinitely about yapping.
I would also like to note that the yappers who yap about yappers yapping often attack those who call them out on their yapping. You know, yapping about yapping is very annoying and yet I am yapping about yapping yappers who yap about yapping which makes me a yapping yapper about further yapping, creating an even longer yap chain, which thus makes me the biggest yapper of them all. There are much more efficient ways to cull yaps than to directly confront the yapper.
These ways include accepting the yapper’s information and trying to guide the conversation onto a track where the yapper cannot yap because they lack sufficient knowledge to yap about this new topic that you have guided the conversation onto so as to efficiently stop the yappers yapping whilst flexing your knowledge on the yapper.
Examples of Yaps (dumb way of stopping them)
Person 1: It’s so weird to think we evolved from that *points at chimpanzees at zoo*
Yapper: Um, well actually, we didn't evolve from chimpanzees, we evolved from the common ancestor of chimpanzees and humans! In fact, there were once other species that were more related to us. Homo erectus, for example, lasted for 3 million years and invented fire and cooking, and so you owe that fried chicken in your hand to Homo erectus. As you can see, you are wrong in every way whatsoever yada yada yada
Person 1: Oh COME ON, no one wants to hear you yap, it’s extremely annoying, no one likes you, just shut up!!!!!!
Yapper: I don’t care. Also, I farted. Did you know that farts are technically bubbles of CO2, methane, hydrogen sulfide, nitrogen, and other gasses? Also, did you know that the anal sphincter, the ring of muscle around the anus, is one of the few muscles in the body that spends most of your lifetime contracted, only relaxing when you fart or emit fecal matter? Birds can’t pee, so their urine and feces are emitted together, which is why bird poop has a white ring around it…
Person 1: I regret this
Example of Yaps (smart way of stopping them)
Person 1: It’s so weird to think we evolved from that *points at chimpanzees at zoo*
Yapper: Um, well actually, we didn't evolve from chimpanzees, we evolved from the common ancestor of chimpanzees and humans! In fact, there were once other species that were more related to us. Homo erectus, for example, lasted for 3 million years and invented fire and cooking, and so you owe that fried chicken in your hand to Homo erectus. As you can see, you are wrong in every way whatsoever yada yada yada
Person 1: Cool. Do you know what order the dragon fish is a member of?
Yapper: Can no longer yap because he lacks knowledge on this particular subject.
As you can see, yapping yappers yapping about yapping are easy to stop if one simply switches the yap subject from something the yapper recognizes, like yapping, to a new and strange subject to the yapper. Thank you for wasting you time reading this. I hope you haven’t been disrupted from your multi-year tiktok doom scrolling session. I would like to note that to use this strategy, you have to know a lot of random things, so TOUCH GRASS or OPEN A BOOK and GO LEARN SOMETHING, you gen alpha piece of wasted effort, time, and money!