by Thea Kuppersmith (7th)
Teacher sues the school bell over an age-long dispute about proper class-ending procedures
For years, students all over the nation have been subjected to confusion and disappointment at the end of almost every class. Throughout the ages, teachers and school bells have been in a never-ending dispute over the official dismisser of the student body.
Many teachers have spoken up about this, proclaiming that the bell was not qualified to dismiss the students, but their voices have fallen on deaf ears rushing to get to the next class.
One teacher, who we will refer to as Bob Roberts, decided to take a stand about the injustice and interruption plaguing his career; he recently revealed that he would be suing the school bell for $1,000 for unauthorized dismissal of students.
“This injustice has been going on for long enough,” Bob replied when asked about his decision. “It’s time someone settled the true person who dismisses the students.”
The bell, who will be referred to as Rob Boberts, was shocked and dismayed by this act of anger towards him. The teacher had even gone so far as to file a cease and desist order against the bell. Rob decided to retaliate by countersuing Bob in turn and scheduled a court case for the following week.
Rob and Bob were forced to unjustly wait for hours on less important cases such as “Theft” and “Traffic Violations” until around 3:00 PM when they were called into the courtroom.
The judge first listened to the case against the bell.
“Us teachers were dismissing kids long before the bell,” proclaimed Bob. “Back in my day, we walked over mountains and across miles to get to school. We would never have tolerated our lessons to be interrupted by this new-fangled technology.”
Rob then retaliated by exclaiming, “ I know what I signed up for when I took this job! I had to go through a 4-hour long interview to get this, and I will not stand to be ousted out of this by an old-fashioned teacher!”
This went back and forth across the span of hours, each side providing even more extremely well-reasoned and fact-based arguments as well as throwing textbooks, pencils, and highlighters at each other, which were confiscated by courtroom security.
After much deliberation, the jury reached a decision. In a surprising twist, both sides were hereby banned from dismissing their students. Obviously the system was not working, and the judge proclaimed a decision that was accepted by almost everyone.
Instead of the bell or the teachers, the students would decide on their own time the best point in which to end the lesson.
This was put into effect in all schools in the Pennsylvania region, and students have all reported to be enjoying this new curriculum and are praising the law system. Some teachers have been putting in their insights, but their messages have mysteriously disappeared.
In unrelated news, test scores seem to have declined slightly, though no one can seem to guess the reason.